Boundaries for the Modern Day Woman

You’re a high-performing woman who sees the vision and brings it to life. Privately, you wonder why you feel so exhausted, resentful or just “off.”

Perhaps you’re so used to powering through that you’ve lost yourself in the process. If so, addressing this gap can be an important part of your mental health and overall wellness.

As a licensed therapist in New York, I work with first-generation Latinas who are navigating anxiety, guilt or burnout.

Boundaries are an important facet of my work because without them, people often feel chronic anger, resentment or frustration.

Could your complaints be related to a boundary issue?

If you answered “yes” to any of the following, you may benefit from boundary work:

• You feel overwhelmed or burned out

• You resent people for asking for your help

• You avoid interacting with people who might ask for something

• You complain about not being supported

• You say “yes” when you actually mean “no”

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are our own guidelines about what we need to feel safe and comfortable in relationships. They define our limits so that we don’t over-extend ourselves. They communicate what’s acceptable and what’s not, and they require us to take action to make things right for ourselves.

When people struggle with boundaries, it’s often because of their perception of them. Some think of boundaries as a way to control other people or get revenge. Others think having boundaries makes them selfish or mean.

Fear not. A boundary is not a demand, threat or attempt to change someone else. In fact, other people don’t need to change for a boundary to exist.

A boundary is a commitment we make to take care of ourselves.

Examples include:

• Checking news headlines once a day to protect your mental health

• Not checking work emails after 6 pm to protect your personal time

• Not spending time with someone who makes you uncomfortable so that you can protect your wellbeing

Boundaries work in service of our wellbeing, not in opposition to another person.

Why boundaries matter

Boundaries connect us to our power.

People with healthy boundaries tend to sleep better, experience less burnout, have healthier relationships and experience more joy.

Weak or undefined boundaries can lead to conflict and resentment. For example, when other people don’t know what we need, we might blame them for not meeting those needs. In turn, they might feel blindsided because we never communicated our needs.

We might also feel disempowered, which can lead to defensiveness or emotional dysregulation.

Emotional dysregulation (Mayo Clinic link below) refers to difficulty managing our emotions. Dysregulation can manifest as angry outbursts, frustration or shutting down — a recipe for tension or conflict.

The solution is to take ownership of our needs, communicate and take action. This places us in partnership with other people, allowing us to create a better outcome and healthier relationships — together.

How to begin

People can’t tell how we feel based on our appearance, body language or unspoken expectations.

We need to tell them what we need and then honor our boundaries by taking action.

Consider the following approach from Danya Rumore, director of the Wallace Stegner Center Environmental Dispute Resolution Program (Link below):

• Step 1: Identify the problem — what’s getting in the way of your wellbeing?

• Step 2: Identify what needs aren’t being met. Ask yourself “Why is this important to me?”

• You need to know why this issue matters to set a clear, effective boundary. If you’re clear, chances are the other party will be clear.

• Step 3: What actions can you take to address your needs?

• Step 4: If this issue involves another person, respectfully communicate your needs.

• Step 5: If your needs still aren’t being met, take the action you identified in Step 3.

Stepping stones to change

If you’re struggling to communicate a boundary, the following reframes can help:

• Boundaries help me advocate for myself

• Boundaries help me maintain healthy relationships

• Boundaries are a way of saying: “I appreciate you and I want to improve our connection.”

The following affirmations can help:

• I’m allowed to have needs.

• People will remain connected to me after I set a limit.

• I can set limits, even if I feel nervous.

• People respect my needs, just as I respect theirs.

When someone makes a request, ask yourself the following:

1. Is their request reasonable?

2. Do I have time to commit to this?

3. How can I honor my boundaries in this situation?

4. What’s the worst thing that could happen if I don’t do this?

Boundaries, A Conclusion

Having clear boundaries help us thrive. They reduce stress, prevent burnout and improve self-esteem. They also prevent resentment, foster mutual respect and protect your energy.

Ignoring your boundaries comes at a personal cost: your vitality. Instead, learn to manage the discomfort and take small steps to communicate your needs.

Go easy on yourself — setting boundaries is a skill. With practice, you’ll become more experienced and comfortable advocating for your needs.

Sources

Mayo Clinic. (11/13/2025). Emotional dysregulation. Retrieved from: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/25065-emotional-dysregulation

Rumore, D. (11/1/2025). Let’s be clear about boundaries. SJ Quinnely College of Law. Retrieved from https://www.law.utah.edu/news-articles/lets-be-clear-about-boundaries/

Tawwab, N. G. (2021). Set boundaries, find peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself.New York, NY: TarcherPerigee.

In her work as a therapist, she helps first-generation Latinas heal from anxiety, guilt and burnout so that they can thrive. Book a free consultation here.